An Alive Conversation on End of Life Wishes

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An Alive Conversation on End of Life Wishes

Though written in the aftermath of my father's choice to end his life, now twenty years ago, when he was in the late stages of pancreatic cancer, I hope this personal reflection can help and support others as they engage in courageous conversations about what people hope for as they approach the end of life.

The experience and the writing of the book happened a decade before, by chance and good fortune, I began creating leadership development programs for nonprofit organizations that serve elders. So what was a family story for me, now is a much larger society-wide dialogue.

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Living the Life You Want

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Living the Life You Want

Events in recent days--friends mourning losses of parents, conversations about living life to its fullest in the presence of health challenges, and conversations about end of life decisions--all bring back memories of my dad's passing, which I wrote about in my first book, The Choice.   

That book was about Dad's decision to end his life with the help of Dr Kevorkian, a choice that my brother and I supported.  But rereading the book now, I realize the book is also about the gift, as a daughter, of being included in the conversation about what Dad wanted--which was to die at home. 

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The Power of the Pause

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The Power of the Pause

A few days ago, working with leaders from nonprofits who serve elders, I opened with a poem.  When we took a break, one of the executives whose leadership experience before entering eldercare was in the military, asked me "Why don't you leave a moment of silence after you read a poem?" 

I was startled. And appreciative of his question. I'm a great proponent of the power of silence--as you can see in the poem of mine that follows--but with poems, especially my own, I have a hard time practicing what I preach.  

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A Different Kind of Circus

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A Different Kind of Circus

The first time I saw a Cirque de Soleil performance I was blown away. The beauty of it. The gymnastic skill. The use of colors. The silk ropes. A whole new world.

The second time I saw them I was in Las Vegas for work and saw a performance of Love, a spectacular enthralling experience built around music by the Beatles. It was so amazing I knew it would be worth a second trip to Las Vegas (a city I don't enjoy) just to see it again.

These circus performers were different than those in the traditional circus.  And it brought to mind the Greenhouse movement in the field of care for frail elders.  The Greenhouses look unlike a traditional nursing home. They are managed by a Shabazim, a person whose role that breaks all the traditions of the older care models--by creating a small homelike setting with a "homemaker" who provides care and connection.

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More on Time and Gifts

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More on Time and Gifts

After worrying about not having enough time for everything our group had planned for our agenda--and finding that the retired Methodist missionary women, who knew nothing about the time bind, had gifted me three packets of Thyme seeds (enough thyme/time, you think?)--I began wondering about gifts. 

Where do gifts come from? Can we recognize them for what they are?  Does the giver understand the power of the gift?  And do we realize what we have been given?  Especially when we are stressed, or anxious, or rushing about. 

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The Antique Lilac

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The Antique Lilac

This year, after a miserably long and cold Michigan winter, the natural world up North is full of blooming wonders.  And one of the most remarkable examples of the exuberance of this spring is the antique lilac that lay on the ground for years behind the forsythia out by the road,  and which we hoisted up a couple of years back with a clothes-line tied off on a cedar stump.  In past years, if there were a bloom or two we were impressed.  But this year, the lilac, here to prove that age has nothing to do with vitality and creativity, has done itself proud.  Virginia Woolf said "I don't believe in aging.  I believe in forever altering one's aspect to the sun."   I guess we helped the lilac do that:  we altered the lilac's aspect to the sun.  Interesting to ask ourselves how we do that for each other.

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